Justice Walks November 2025

“Hard on systems and institutions; soft on people”

My friend ala and I start every workshop we lead, regardless of the topic, sharing that we are rooted in a principle we learned from bell hook’s teaching: be “hard on systems and institutions, soft on people.”

I say it out loud a lot, and even more frequently to myself.

It’s a reminder that we all live within systems and institutions that began influencing and forming the ways we think and act at birth. You know the adage about the goldfish who doesn’t know they are in water because they’ve never NOT been in water? That’s how systems and institutions act upon us.

Hooks’ work asks us to remember to attack the systems and institutions while honoring the humanity of the people within them.

“But Abby,” I’m frequently hear, “people are acting on behalf of systems and institutions. We need to hold people accountable!”

Yes.

Being “soft on people” and holding people accountable are not mutually exclusive. In western culture, especially in the US, we equate holding folks accountable with punishment. They are actually very different concepts. Punishment separates and “others.” Punishment sees that a rupture has happened, amplifies that rupture, and often serves to guarantee and perpetuate future, similar ruptures.

Accountability builds bridges. It creates and deepens connection.

What went wrong here? Where is the rupture? How did it occur? Why did it occur? What can we do together to repair the rupture? What steps can we take to prevent the same or similar ruptures in the future?

Punishment is also often only focused on the individual. It doesn’t look at context or communal factors. It doesn’t interrogate systems. Accountability looks at the bigger picture, seeing and reckoning with individual acts within the broader systems. It looks to change the way both systems and individuals operate going forward.

It’s a time of year, across many different cultural and religious traditions, when we gather. There are lots of think pieces and list-icles about how to respond when someone says or does something offensive or dehumanizing.

This year, consider applying hook’s advice, consider how you can be “soft” on the person and hard on the systems their words or actions upholds. Try leaning into accountability that aims to build deeper connection.

Folks may reject that invitation when you offer it to them. That’s their choice. They can opt to separate themselves. We are responsible for our own actions and words. What others do in the wake of our standing and speaking on behalf of every human’s inherent worth is their responsibility.

Learning Resource

Desireé B. Stephens, CSP-P, is a dynamic educator, counselor, and community builder dedicated to liberation through decolonization and whole-self healing. As the founder of Make Shi(f)t Happen and creator of the LIBERATE Framework™, she helps individuals and organizations dismantle systems of oppression, foster inclusive spaces, and embrace sustainable transformation.

That’s what it says on her website. It’s all true. And…Desireé writes and speaks from a deep well of gentleness and care that is unmatched. Her essays make me feel seen and held securely even when her words are asking me to look right at hard things. She builds somatic practices into her writing: “Take a breath.”

Here are some of her recent essay topics: “Belonging v Whiteness” “Guilt is not Accountability, it’s Avoidance” “Decentering Yourself Without Disappearing”.

Check out her work. It’s Good Stuff. If you can swing it, consider subscribing to her Substack at the link above to get access to the versions of her essays that include practice tools and tips (and support the work of a Black woman).

Folks to Follow

Lana Jenejev often offers amazing tools on LinkedIn like, Weaving New Ways: Shifting from Colonial Practices to Regenerative Practices. This is a card deck created because, as Jenejev says, “We often replicate colonial tendencies unconsciously: centering some voices while silencing others, privileging efficiency over depth, or valuing expertise over lived wisdom. Shifting these patterns requires more than awareness. It calls for constant attunement, recalibration and more importantly, practice—moment by moment, conversation by conversation, and choice by choice.”

If you’re curious, Jenejev also created a self-assessment guide so that we can understand what areas we want to focus on in our own practice moments, conversations, and choices. You can find that, for free, here.

What’s bringing you joy and helping you regulate lately? I’ve been getting out to enjoy fall migration whenever possible. (I saw a juvenile golden eagle yesterday! That’s rare for my area and made the time I’ve spent watching Lyco Birds’ videos on hawk and raptor identification pay off).

The snow bunting is one of my favorite birds. I described them to a friend the other day as, “the puppies of the bird world,” because they are just so cute!

It’s amazing how, when I’m out with my binoculars, worries and cares mostly fall away. I’m in the rhythm of nature, outside of the grasp of systems and norms us humans created. It resets me.

What resets you? How can you be intentional about prioritizing times to reset?

Ready for the next step?