The Justice Walk Travelog - February 2023

Walking Towards More Knowing

February 07, 2023

Leadership coaching rooted in equity and justice

This month's walking..."There are no epiphanies that outweigh a lifetime of conditioning," writes Ijeoma Oluo's (E-joh-mah Oh-loo-oh) in her forward to Sonya Renee Taylor's book, The Body is not an Apology.Epiphanies are important. They jolt us into new understanding. To gain their benefit, we need to respond like we've received invitations into new beginnings instead of certificates signifying achieved wisdom.This perspective could be seen as discouraging, "My epiphany isn't enough!" Instead, I read Oluo's words as comfort and validation. Our conditioning into a culture where white, straight, cis, able-bodied, Christian, wealthy, thin, neuro-"typical," men are the gold standard began the moment we were born and never stops. Some of us are more steeped into these conditionings than others, but none of us is immune.On a recent Shameless Mom Academy podcast, Aubrey Gordon said something like, "I don't blame anyone for picking up the only messaging we've ever been offered. It is our responsibility to put that down and pick up something different." (She was speaking about anti-fatness is particular, but it applies across the board.)Examining and putting down old ways of thinking to make room for new ways requires time, intention, and practice.The conditioning we've received around police, policing, and public safety is powerful. Think about how many TV shows and movies are police procedurals. Police officers and their practices are centered. Police and prosecutors are the "good guys" doing whatever they can to get the "bad guys" off the streets. There's one, uncomplicated narrative.Again and again, the real world breaks through to expose the holes and falsehoods in that narrative. Tyre Nichols, Keenan Anderson, Anthony Lowe, Manuel Esteban Paez Teran, and others were recently killed by police. Even after these murders happen, calls for abolition of policing can confuse us, particularly those of us who are white. Often our experience is that police are there to protect us. That is the point. Policing was created to protect and defend whiteness. Undoing the white, middle-class conditioning and experience of police as "Officer Friendly: here to protect" is hard.Maybe watching videos of Tyre Nichols murder was an epiphanic moment for you. Maybe I'm making you defensive, angry, or uncomfortable with these words. Ok. Sit with those feelings for a bit. See where they come from. Who is served by you holding those feelings and supporting the prevailing narrative?If you can, get curious. "Where is Abby coming from? What led her to believe these things?" There's a list of resources below that led to my own moments of, "OH!" and my continued unlearning of my conditioning. It's just a start.In my lifetime, I don't expect an end to the journeys to ensure our communities are welcoming, inclusive, accessible, and supportive of every human. I find Oluo's words a comfort. My status as an "unfinished product" is not a failure. Embracing epiphanies as the beginning is the point. We get our whole lifetimes to examine what we're asked to believe, put some things down, and pick other things up.

2023 has gotten off to a violent start. The killings of Tyre Nichols and Manuel Esteban Paez Terán by police have, again, raised questions about who the police keep safe, and how.

You may be asking questions you've never asked before. You may know that policing can certainly not continue in its current form, but not know where to look for more information. Maybe calls to defund and abolish the police seem too radical to you.I've been there. I did some deep dives and educated myself to learn more about what the defund and abolition movements were all about. What do they really mean? A quote from Ruth Wilson Gilmore was transformative for me: "Abolition is about presence, not absence. It's about building life-affirming institutions."If you're looking for resources about how we got here and what we might build, I've created a short list to get you started. From there I'd encourage you to follow your own research path. There are articles on the list and a book chapter. You can find a lot of videos of Ruth Wilson Gilmore interviews if that's your learning style. I'm including one podcast example. You could search for interviews with Gilmore, Eve Ewing, or Josie Duffy Rice and find lots of material.I promise that you will learn things you never knew about systems and structures you thought you fully understood.LIST"Abolition's Promise," by Josie Duffy Rice from Vanity Fair, September 2020"Police Unions: How Law Enforcement Closes Ranks," by Eve Ewing from Vanity Fair, September 2020The Untold Story: Criminal Injustice with Jay Ellis and Travon Free (podcast)Tough on Crime for You; Serve and Protect for Me, by Jim Freeman (book chapter from Rich Thanks to Racism)Feel free to reach out if you want to talk about any of these resources, or share others!

Chart from Anna Taylor on evolving from violent language: We're going to launch instead of We're going to pull the trigger. I'll take the first pass at it instead of I'll take a stab at it. Did we start too soon? intsead of Did we jump the gun? I won't avoid it any longer intsead of I'll bite the bullet. That'll feed two birds with one scone instead of That'll kill two birds with one stone. What's the due date instead of What's the deadline? We have to choose our opportunities insetad of We have the choose our battles. Can you send me an email intead of Can you shoot me an email? That was a bit excessive instead of That was overkill. I didn't do my best intead of I bombed the presentation. Let's just move forward instead of Let's roll with the punches. We can make it a little easier by...instead of We can soften the blow by. I'm going to take a guess instead of I'm going to take a shot in the dark. That's a good idea instead of That's not a bad idea. Let's not focus on that anymore instead of Let's not beat a dead horse. I was impressed by her presentation instead of I was blown away by her presentation. I was thinking through an idea instead of I was kicking around an idea. He's pretty direct in meetings instead of He's a straight shooter in meetings.

Communications and equity expert Anna Taylor created this chart to help us practice removing violence from our language.  When I pay attention, I am quickly overwhelmed by how often I use phrases that rely on gun, war, and physical violence imagery. You may be thinking, "No one really thinks I mean I'm shooting them an email through a gun." I get that. But, words matter. When we use these terms so much that we lose track of their literal meaning, it means the words have become too familiar.I've never been a victim of physical violence. I can hear the words associated with violence without it impacting me much because in my life violence is an abstract rather than a personal concept. Many people do not have such privilege. My language should not be a barrier to building relationships and connection.If I believe in connection, belonging, and that everyone should be physically and psychologically safe in situations - then my language should reflect those values.I'll be working on this list.  Keep an eye on me, ok?(*reads through the rest of the newsletter to edit out any of the phrases on this list*)

A rocky shoreline in the foreground, with waves and the sky in the background. One rock in the lower left corner is covered with ice and there are icicles hanging from a rock on the right side

The unexpected. Duality. Both/And.There's something about a beach in winter that calls to me. (Sure, it's partly because I'm often the only one on the beach in winter, and that makes my introverted heart happy.)Besides that, I think a lot of that call comes from the part of me that runs towards the unexpected and "abnormal." Beaches still symbolize summer and warmth to me. And yet, on this beach day one boulder is completely enshrouded in ice, while icicles hang off another rock. I can report that I couldn't feel my fingers after taking my hands briefly out of my gloves in order to snap this picture. It was COLD.For me, a big part of equity and belonging work is catching myself in judgments and expectations. Noticing when I'm jumping to a conclusion, "it's a beach, it must be warm" vs looking closer and asking questions. Recognizing when I'm making declarations, "A beach is for the summer!" vs holding two things that seem opposite as simultaneously true.What can I see when I look at things with intention and curiosity rather than with expectation and assumption? What can I see, what bridges can I build, when I look that way at people?

Quick reminder to follow me on Twitter or Linked In - buttons below.Have a question? Drop me a line at [email protected]I have a few coaching slots open this spring, so if you're interested, send me an email and we'll connect!

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